


Ghostly

by Nelioe



Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Accidents, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Not Related, Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fili drinks to numb the pain, M/M, Panic Attacks, Supernatural Elements
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-25
Updated: 2016-06-25
Packaged: 2018-07-18 05:16:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,150
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7300975
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nelioe/pseuds/Nelioe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Fili won't talk to Kili and even though Kili has a suspicion why, nothing could've prepared him for the truth.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ghostly

**Author's Note:**

> Should you have read this already on Tumblr, you might want to check out the last bit again, since I added a few small changes.

 

 

When Kili awoke he felt like shit. His head hurt, arms and legs heavy as if he’d run a marathon and now his muscles protested. Try as he might, he couldn’t remember what must’ve happened to leave him in such a state. The only thing that came to his mind was Nori’s party, but there was a huge blank spot in his memory, which should be obvious, considering that he couldn’t remember how he’d come home and he was at home, Fili’s soft breathing gave it away.

Geez, he really shouldn’t drink so much when partying, this however was easier said than done with a friend like Nori, ensuring a new bottle of beer was pressed into the brunet’s hands, as soon as the previous one was empty. In spite of that, waking up with such a heavy tiredness and a body that felt as if it had been run over by a truck was still new for Kili. Partying was banned for a while, the brunet decided.

Beside him Fili stirred.

Kili yawned. “Good morning.”

No answer.

Kili frowned. Fili sat up without looking at him, swinging his legs over the side of the bed while he rubbed the sleep from his face.

Kili cursed silently. He must’ve done something stupid yesterday. The silent treatment was usually something Fili didn’t resort to, unless he was royally pissed. It was his way of preventing hurtful words from crossing his lips. Kili had never liked it, would’ve preferred screaming and accusations over silence. At least with the former he could defend himself, seeing Fili ignore him only ached like a wound to his chest.

“I’m sorry, Fee,” he therefore immediately responded, knowing it would get worse the longer he allowed it to go on.

Once more there was only silence.

Kili huffed.

“Fili, I was drunk, I barely remember anything. Whatever I have done, it wasn’t really me, okay?”

Still turning his back on him, Fili got up, not even so much as glancing at the brunet lying in the bed and headed out of their bedroom. Kili watched him go in a mixture of shock and hurt, before he struggled into a sitting position himself and followed his boyfriend. He staggered slightly and had to pause at a wall, because the world around him went dizzy for a second, which cost him precious little seconds.

“Fili!” he called the other, hoping to stop him.

The lock of the bathroom shut just as Kili tried to follow his boyfriend inside. It was a habit Fili had never managed to get rid of, since he’d shared a flat with four other students during university. Kili had sometimes joked that it seemed like Fili wanted to shut him out, but it had never felt as real as this moment.

Kili swallowed hard, staring at the closed door as if it was the gate to their relationship. Shut, closed, and forbidding him to enter.

He knocked softly.

“Fee?” he said in a thin voice. “Please, let me in. Can’t we talk about it… Fee… please.”

Instead of a reply, Kili heard the sound of running water as his boyfriend took a shower. Kili slid to the ground, tears burning in his eyes, while his chest constricted, hampering his breathing. Shit… he must’ve truly fucked up… more than he could even imagine.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Kili avoided Fili until he went out. He couldn’t say where his boyfriend was going at this time on a Sunday, but assumed he would pay Bard or Gimli a visit to rant about Kili. It was alright with him for now, gave him the time to think and even though he still wasn’t able to figure out what he’d done to anger Fili like this, he made a plan to make it up to him.

Cooking Fili’s favourite meal was on top of his list and afterwards the blond would hopefully be lenient enough to talk with him. Despite lacking the knowledge of when Fili might return, Kili began preparing the meal after cleaning their flat, if it got late they could simply warm it up again and hopefully the gesture would count in the end.

Fili returned early in the evening. Kili had already set the table, dinner was ready as well and so he hurried to the front door as he heard it open. Fili was just slipping out of his jacket, when Kili paused awkwardly in the doorway to the kitchen.

The exhaustion had yielded to an inner tension, causing him to chew on his bottom lip and twist his intertwined fingers painfully. He wished he knew what he’d done. It would make things a lot easier, he just hoped he hadn’t ruined things between them for good. So far Kili had believed their relationship to be established enough to survive any kind of trouble, right now he wasn’t so sure anymore.

What could’ve caused that breach? Kili felt ice-cold all of a sudden. He hadn’t cheated on him while he was drunken out of his wits, had he? He had never thought of considering it, because there was no way he would betray Fili like that, but could he really be certain? He didn’t know how he’d come home, so might there have happened something?

Nausea tried to wrestle him down and from one moment to another he didn’t want to know anymore.

But he had to. He couldn’t back down now, he needed to know what he had done, there was no other way to make it right.

“I made us dinner,” Kili begun hesitantly, suddenly self-conscious. “It’s your favourite… can we please talk?”

Never had he believed ending up begging his boyfriend for such a simple thing as talking. It felt humiliating, but worse than begging was Fili’s passivity. His boyfriend was now busy with taking his shoes off after hanging up his jacket.

Kili watched him for a couple of heartbeats, the ache inside him nearly bending him, ere it was chased away by a wave of anger surging through him. Whatever he’d done, nothing, _nothing_ justified Fili ignoring him!

It took four energetically steps to cross the little distance between kitchen and front door. Kili grabbed his boyfriend by the shoulder. “Good gracious! Look at me!” Tried to turn Fili around at his demand-

It didn’t work.

There was no strength in his hand.

He still held Fili’s shoulder, as his boyfriend dropped the keys in a bowl sitting on a little table next to the clothes hook. The blond seemed to take no notice of him whatsoever.

Kili stumbled backwards, letting go of the other’s shoulder as if burned and watched with wide eyes as Fili headed into the kitchen and left a couple of seconds later, a bottle of beer in his hands.

What…? The dinner… hadn’t he seen…?

But when Kili walked into the kitchen, no traces of the dinner were left and the kitchen was still the mess it had been before he’ cleaned it.

But… but he’d cooked and cleaned! He was sure of it… how… how… how…

Kili choked on the next breath, hyperventilating with fear. He barely felt his trembling legs giving out from under him, just noticed at one point that he wasn’t standing any longer, but sitting as a shaking mess on the ground. He didn’t feel the coldness of the tiles, there was only horror and panic, deafening his ears to the rest of the world.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Kili couldn’t say how long he sat in a corner in the kitchen, knees drawn to his chest and crying tears of panic. He had no idea what was going on. He wanted to tell himself it was a terrible dream, but it went on for far too long. Besides, he could count his fingers without trouble and shouldn’t that be difficult in a dream?

He was dead scared. Kili had tried to call for his boyfriend once Fili had come into the kitchen to grab another beer, his voice sounded helpless and thin and more frightened than he’d ever been in his life. The result was the same as the last time, though.

Shuddering at the memory the brunet huddled closer against the wall, as if it could offer him some sort of protection. He was alone. Even though Fili was close he’d never felt further away and there seemed to be no way of reaching him. Kili could touch him, but Fili didn’t feel it. Kili could call for him, but Fili didn’t hear it. All in all, it seemed as if he didn’t exist.

He was a ghost in his own home. What had happened? Had he died? He didn’t remember dying, he barely remembered the party. No. No! _Nononononono_! He couldn’t be dead! He had so many plans! A life with Fili ahead! This couldn’t be the end! This had to be a mistake!

Kili shuddered once more.

In the following days Kili stayed away from Fili. He couldn’t bear the thought of seeing him, but being unable to touch him, talk to him, just enjoy the quietness between them. He would huddle in a corner in their bedroom during the day, casting longing glances at their bed, but never leaving his safe little place at the wall, while he spent his time in the living room at night.

For a while it continued like this. Kili had never felt that lonely and hopeless. He didn’t dare to go outside, fearing he wouldn’t get back into the flat and felt like crying more often than not.

He wanted his life to return back to normal. Wanted to wake up in the morning beside Fili. Wanted to snuggle up to him on the couch, while watching a movie, wanted to crack jokes over dinner, wanted to kiss, wanted to touch, wanted to see Fili smile. His heart was bursting with longing, but there wasn’t anything to soothe the ache inside his chest.

“No! That’s not acceptable!” Fili’s voice boomed through the flat all of a sudden, startling Kili from his gloomy thoughts and urging him to pad slowly to the living room.

Fili was on the phone, pacing up and down. His lips, pressed in a thin line, told Kili how furious he was with the person on the other end of the line.

It was the first time since the unnerving silence Kili truly acknowledged Fili, having only seen his back or his face through a curtain of tears. He was a mess. Rings under his eyes spoke of sleepless nights and deep sorrow, his cheeks were sunken and he seemed thinner than the brunet remembered. Long blond hair, flowing over his shoulders, didn’t look as neatly as Kili was used to, while his rumpled clothes indicated he’d too often fallen asleep in them.

Fili was suffering.

“But you have to do something!” Now his boyfriend sounded desperate. It only increased the painful throbbing of Kili’s heart. “They can’t just let him go like this! He… he has to-“ Fili paused, probably interrupted by the other speaker.

The blond’s shoulders dropped as he heaved a deep sigh.

“Yeah… sure… whatever.”

Kili had never seen his boyfriend as resigned as in the moment he hung up the phone. A heavy burden seemed to press on his shoulders, while he looked as if he carried the sorrow of the world. All Kili wanted to do, was to go over to him, enfold him in his arms and promise him that everything was going to be alright again. But even if he did, Fili wouldn’t feel it. Everything he once would’ve done to reassure him, was of no help now… as if Kili hadn’t reason enough to feel panicky and desperate.

“Fuck!” Fili threw the phone on the couch, wiping the newspaper from the coffee table and flopped onto the couch.

His boyfriend looked so immensely small, as he buried his hands in his hair, body shaking with silent sobs.

The sudden lump in Kili’s throat made it difficult to swallow as he watched Fili cry. He was no help, useless, stuck, fighting with the urge to scream at so much unfairness.

He couldn’t see him like this and just as his eyes searched something else to focus on, his gaze landed on the paper. His heart seemed to miss a beat at the headline practically screaming at him.

‘ _Offender after hit and run out on bail – Victim still in a coma_ ’

Kili felt like throwing up as a strange sense of understanding washed over him.

His head turned sharply to Fili, who was still crying as if not even all the tears of the world could soothe his pain and it seemed like the proof the brunet didn’t really need.

Carefully he sat down beside his boyfriend, wrapping his arms around him in an impalpable embrace, his head bedded on Fili’s right shoulder blade, and cried.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> I seriously have no excuse for this story. I had the idea of Kili hugging Fili, without Fili feeling it and this is what my head did with it. I might fix this terrible situation one day, although be prepared that the Angst will be drawn out a little.
> 
> If you can't wait for a better ending though, I advise you to check out the [fix it](https://silverwork4furs.tumblr.com/post/146444713486/ghostly-cont) silverwork4furs did on tumblr. It is beautiful and hopeful and what these two deserve and what I can't give them at the moment, since my ideas of how to continue aren't concrete yet. 
> 
> Nevertheless, thank you for reading!


End file.
